Monday, August 22, 2011

Pre-Boot:: Frustrations

So I had a conversation with my Grandma today and I was finally able to pin point my issue with my friends. I feel they don't hunger for me, don't desire me nor reach out for me. In their own way sure, but here's the deal, here's what I discovered.

I'm going to the Navy. Do you know what that means? It means I'm leaving...for good. It means I may never see you again. but you computer geeks don't really feel the heat, the depth of this because you take the easy way out. You say, 'well we always have Skype with Vid chats, Voice chats, IM chats and phone calls.' That's great computer nerds. I know you've lived off the computer since you could walk, and in the digital age that answer is acceptable, but I'm traditional and it only infuriates me. This year, since I've graduated is the MOST time I've ever spent attached to a computer and it's not because I want to. I settle for this because I LOVE YOU! But if I have a choice, as I do now till Sept 20th, I prefer to be face to face, in person. I want to feel you, touch you, hit you if I want to. I want to hug you. You all can be satisfied with these fake hang outs through conference calls and vid chats because you are all apart of this digital world. But right now, I have the chance to physically be with you, around you and I feel you don't even try. In time, very very soon, I will have no choice and that detached distant way of connecting and hanging out is all we will have. Then and only then shall I settle and accept this.
But god damn it guys this is my last summer! What don't you get?! I'M GONE!! Soon only to become a blip in your lives. Take advantage of my presence while I'm still here. Put a little fire up your ass. More and more I'm starting not to give a shit. And I keep wanting to give "one last chance" over and over again. but it's like, gosh I'm starting not to care and that's simply me giving up and accepting I'll make new friends very soon. I just don't feel like an important part of your guys lives. And sure, it's hard to come and see me. It has to be planned and arranged because of the distance and the fact that things have to be arranged around other peoples schedules, but stop making excuses; at least TRY. If you have to cancel in the end it's fine. It means a lot if the effort is at least made. I'm a physical social animal. Vid chats only go so far before it's just depressing. Seeing you only seems possible if I make it convenient for you guys by always being the one to go to you. That's what it's feeling like.

Truth be told, I know you guys care for me. I do. I just don't see you guys putting out like you want me around or miss me. I could ship out today and it would make no difference, and it just frustrating that I feel like I'm fighting for your love. I just can't live as you guys live. For me, this is not enough. Perhaps I feel it more because I see the days diminishing on the calendar. It directly affects me and my life; not yours. I know the severity of this decision, it's life changing and I also know what it's like to move from your friends. How the relationships change when they become distant. People grow apart from you, people change and things are not the same. Many are lost. I've moved all my life, where many of you have had/have childhood friends. I hold you all like treasures, you probably simply accept friends come and go. I feel it doesn't have to be that way, if you really care. You would try, strive, and try to dominate the allotted time before they are gone.
I'm here now, give a shit! I'm leaving, don't just shrug and simply accept this as is and go on your day like nothing's changed or will.
And I shouldn't have to say this. This should come from you guys, from your hearts, on your own. Your own desire, fed by your own longing. Am I not missed? Perhaps there is no longing. Just, hey nice to have met you, and waves of goodbye with out a second glance back. Not a tear will be shed in my name and yet I will be on the plane crying my eyes out over you. How could this not pain me? How could this not disgust me?

Am I getting through? Will anyone that this post is designated to read this? UGH!!

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Pre-Boot:: Unexpected

I went into my Dep meeting today and was surprised to be told I was given a leadership position as the Yoemen for my office. It is a real honor to be picked, I have no clue why I was picked, but it's still cool. I'm not used to be chosen for anything, so it was real cool. Sure it's sorta a pain because now I have more responsibility besides just focusing on myself, or helping others with their studies, but it's no big deal.

There's been some changes going on in the recruiting office, and now they are trying to make it feel a lil more like boot with the chain of command and with different privileged leadership jobs. So yea, that's the newest update....I had a tuna sandwich and now I'm hungry again -_- damn

Monday, August 15, 2011


Ok so like I said, this would be going in stages. My first few post will be pre-boot. Not sure how many there will be. Maybe you'll be lucky and this will be the only one lol.

So life right now is dull. I'm on an island where my friends are practically all 2hrs away and it drains my parents dry to take a trip even for just a week or a few days...bc it's freaken expensive. Never mind all the pain in the ass planning that goes along with it and how it affects everyone around me T_T
So that makes me the most annoying person amongst my friends right now bc I'm always bugging them to talk to me LOL. I know, I'm starting to lay off guys. Keeping myself busy with chores ^_^;

So anyway. My life right now consists of reporting in to my section leader on Mondays, going to PTs on Tuesdays (PT means Physical training), Dep meetings at the Navy recruiting office on Thursdays (Dep means Delayed Entry Program: it's what recruits partake in till they ship out allowing them to learn information and train them before boot so it will be easier on them. These meetings also include PTs), and every day going through my stuff and deciding what I'm keeping and what goes. It's been much more work than I thought. Being an artist makes it even more difficult. Having to decide what art to keep or throw out. Having to rummage through all my notebooks for any good stories or sketches on the side. Never mind the stuff with emotional attachments. I had to go back to that stuff, I couldn't throw it out on my first round. Though, I am keeping my stuffed animals XD

So yea my life is very....boring right now. and I guess having friends far is for the best. Easier to leave w/o crying I guess. Anyway, that's it for now. Anything interesting happens I'll let you don't be surprised if this is the last post till boot LOL

The Creation

So this is my first post. Figured this would be going in stages. I'm pumped and excited and figured I'd run with that emotional bonus to post this.

So this blog is primarily meant to record and share my experiences as a Sailor to those who care to know. In boot I won't really be able to wright often and instead of choosing who to right to, I figured why not wright to EVERYONE!!! :D My plan, record my experiences and mail the letters home and have my Mom type it up...if she can read it XD
I DO want to receive letters from you people. Those friends who find the time. I don't mind if you type them up, print them out and mail them to me. Probably can't read most of your penmanship anyway lol. But seriously, from what I hear, letters are big, keep us sane and encourage us to press forward. Big for our moral. SO WRIGHT DAMN YOU!!!

Aaand the name. IC New Horizons. I know, I'm soooo clever XD. New Horizons is already a thing I started using towards all dealings in relation to my new future as a sailor. Going out, seeing the world (literally), meeting new people, making deep connections, that I'm told will last a life time ;D and simply experiencing/starting my life. Thus...seeing new horizons. IC actually is my rate aka job. Meaning Interior Communications (electrician). I know, you can all laugh it up, but you'll be thanking me when I'm fixing you computers, headsets and mics. XP
Anyway, putting them together, you can thank God for. I was stumped on how to get a url that wasn't already used. Then it just came to me, SNAP!!! IC New Horizons. IT WAS SO FREAKEN CLEVER!!! XD I know I take joy in the little things lol